not that i have a ton of followers on my little blog who actually care, but i haven't disappeared, my life just got really full really fast. when i started my blog 6 years ago, i meant for it to be an online diary to reflect upon as my life whizzed by. and here 10 months have gone by in the blink of an eye. crazy. well i still want to document what's been happening in my life, because i know someday i will look back and think, "how the heck did i get through that mess."
so the past 10 months in a nutshell:
god changed everything in our little world. last july our little family moved in my parents in hopes to save money, pay off debt, and buy a house. we were excited and scared and i was mostly sad to leave our lovely little house (and mostly my studio space and wonderful neighbors). each day we packed our entired life into boxes and piled them high into a storage unit, i cried. as we cleaned, i cried as if i was wiping away all of the memories we'd had in that house for the past 4 years. it was overwhelming, emotional, and exciting because we knew this was part of god's plan. and in the midst of it, toby started to crawl.
elliana started 2nd grade, tucker started his pre-k year of preschool and toby and i got to hangout and go shopping while the kids were in school. adjusting to living with my parents was more than difficult for everyone. many emotional breakdowns and crying sessions were followed by starbucks and retail therapy. my parents were gracious enough to let us move some of their furniture out, and our furniture in to make things more comfortable. all 3 kids staying in one room, me and justin in another, and the office became my "studio". but it was less than comfortable to create in, and super cramped. and everytime i would start a project i would say, "where is that one thing....oh yes, its in storage." so slowly my outlet of sewing and creating slipped away.
our best friends from nebraska came out to visit us and we took a trip without kids to sonoma to go wine tasting. we had the time of our lives. seriously best trip ever. great food, great wine, great friends, it couldn't get any better. and when they left, i felt another void. its so hard when your best friends live so far away. and there's no way around it.
elliana lost both her front teeth for christmas, toby started walking, tucker started tball, elliana started soccer and is on her 2nd season right now, i became a Thirty-One consultant AND a Mary kay consultant and not really sure how it all fits in. some days i feel like we are barely making it, and others i feel is a blessing. i think i'm having a "pre-mid-life-crisis" (i'm turning 35 in september). anyone relate?
i'm not really sure what has happened, but i don't feel anything like "me". i haven't done anything creative in so long, i've forgotten my creative self. i feel so behind in my memory keeping (photographs, scrapbooking, journaling) that i feel like i've failed. so many things i feel like i'm failing in, but i keep turning to jesus. he's brought me through this chapter, and i know he knows the outcome. sometimes its hard to trust, and i admit i totally am struggling with that right now. but i know its what i'm supposed to do.
so its nothing glamorous, we didn't move to barbados for a year, or travel through europe. we moved in with my parents. and we are still here. and there has been every hiccup you can imagine along the way to prevent us from buying our home. but still i'm choosing to trust, even when i feel like giving up. has anybody else had life storms like this? storms that pick you up from your safe little house and demolish everything that is familiar and comfortable? all of this has caused me to rethink my life, my dreams, my pursuits, my relationships. and maybe that's what this is for. maybe i was headed in the wrong direction. i don't know.
so there it is. i haven't disappeared. i'm here.and i'm on pinterest.
*sorry this was awfully depressing. did i mention i'm on day 4 of my personal worst head cold ever, and week 3 of taking care of every other sicky in our house. i was the last one to get it along with toby who has pinkeye and the same nasty virus. ugh.
i will bring the sunshine and unicorns next post k. ;)