not that i have a ton of followers on my little blog who actually care, but i haven't disappeared, my life just got really full really fast. when i started my blog 6 years ago, i meant for it to be an online diary to reflect upon as my life whizzed by. and here 10 months have gone by in the blink of an eye. crazy. well i still want to document what's been happening in my life, because i know someday i will look back and think, "how the heck did i get through that mess."
so the past 10 months in a nutshell:
god changed everything in our little world. last july our little family moved in my parents in hopes to save money, pay off debt, and buy a house. we were excited and scared and i was mostly sad to leave our lovely little house (and mostly my studio space and wonderful neighbors). each day we packed our entired life into boxes and piled them high into a storage unit, i cried. as we cleaned, i cried as if i was wiping away all of the memories we'd had in that house for the past 4 years. it was overwhelming, emotional, and exciting because we knew this was part of god's plan. and in the midst of it, toby started to crawl.
elliana started 2nd grade, tucker started his pre-k year of preschool and toby and i got to hangout and go shopping while the kids were in school. adjusting to living with my parents was more than difficult for everyone. many emotional breakdowns and crying sessions were followed by starbucks and retail therapy. my parents were gracious enough to let us move some of their furniture out, and our furniture in to make things more comfortable. all 3 kids staying in one room, me and justin in another, and the office became my "studio". but it was less than comfortable to create in, and super cramped. and everytime i would start a project i would say, "where is that one thing....oh yes, its in storage." so slowly my outlet of sewing and creating slipped away.
our best friends from nebraska came out to visit us and we took a trip without kids to sonoma to go wine tasting. we had the time of our lives. seriously best trip ever. great food, great wine, great friends, it couldn't get any better. and when they left, i felt another void. its so hard when your best friends live so far away. and there's no way around it.
elliana lost both her front teeth for christmas, toby started walking, tucker started tball, elliana started soccer and is on her 2nd season right now, i became a Thirty-One consultant AND a Mary kay consultant and not really sure how it all fits in. some days i feel like we are barely making it, and others i feel is a blessing. i think i'm having a "pre-mid-life-crisis" (i'm turning 35 in september). anyone relate?
i'm not really sure what has happened, but i don't feel anything like "me". i haven't done anything creative in so long, i've forgotten my creative self. i feel so behind in my memory keeping (photographs, scrapbooking, journaling) that i feel like i've failed. so many things i feel like i'm failing in, but i keep turning to jesus. he's brought me through this chapter, and i know he knows the outcome. sometimes its hard to trust, and i admit i totally am struggling with that right now. but i know its what i'm supposed to do.
so its nothing glamorous, we didn't move to barbados for a year, or travel through europe. we moved in with my parents. and we are still here. and there has been every hiccup you can imagine along the way to prevent us from buying our home. but still i'm choosing to trust, even when i feel like giving up. has anybody else had life storms like this? storms that pick you up from your safe little house and demolish everything that is familiar and comfortable? all of this has caused me to rethink my life, my dreams, my pursuits, my relationships. and maybe that's what this is for. maybe i was headed in the wrong direction. i don't know.
so there it is. i haven't disappeared. i'm here.and i'm on pinterest.
*sorry this was awfully depressing. did i mention i'm on day 4 of my personal worst head cold ever, and week 3 of taking care of every other sicky in our house. i was the last one to get it along with toby who has pinkeye and the same nasty virus. ugh.
i will bring the sunshine and unicorns next post k. ;)
4 comments:
Aw! That stinks. I hope you feel better soon. I know it is tough being out of routine whatever that routine is. We moved into our new house almost 2 years ago and I am finally just starting to feel like I am almost moved in. It takes a while and all we can do is just forgive ourselves.
I hope you find some creativity soon. In whatever format it takes. I am thinking of starting one of those smash journals. Tape and a book. I can do that! :)
Im SOOOOO happy to see you back in this space! I've missed you! As far a life storms go... yes, I've been in places where I thought giving up looked like a good idea and yes, I've been in storms that literally came out of no where and knocked me off my feet. They were some of the hardest times I ever had to push through but you are right: you will be happy you noted it. I have gone back to a few of my own select blog posts that maybe I only know reveal a particular rough patch and I feel good about where I/we have come since then.
And dont worry about being all rainbows and unicorns! Thats not real life. Some of the best blogs I ever read and that touched me most sincerely were not cheery in the least. Did you ever read the blog: http://nieniedialogues.com/ about the couple that survived a plane crash? Its an amazingly honest account of their life and it didn't matter that it wasn't perfect. It was real.
You're real. You're human. And we love you.
Hi Jenna,
I've checked your blog occasionally to see if u were back and how you and your family were doing. I too have stopped writing on my own blog :( because of how crazy busy life seems to have gotten. I can't tell u how many times I have had conversations with my close friends about "early mid life crisis", feeling like life is passing me by and the guilt of not being a perfect mom, wife, (and everything else). We feel like we have become so hard on ourselves because of comparison or unrealistic expectations. It seems so difficult to simplify, focus on the small things and have time to do the things we love' Talking with friends and knowing that I'm not the only one going through it helps. I love my family, am So thankful for ALL we have been blessed with yet I still have days that I'm focused on how impossible balancing everything is! Praying your sunny chapter starts soon! :)
Wow!! Remember me? I just loved reading your blog and just not decided to check if you were back! Can I just say.... our lives sound VERY familiar right now!? We put our home up for sale and it sold, in 4 days! EVERYTHING is in storage. We're crammed into a 700 sqft basement apartment, I had Mono for almost 2 months, my daughter is just getting over pink eye and yeah! WOW. We're searching for a house as well. We thought it would take a month, and it's been almost 6! I know what you mean about wondering what God is trying to teach you. As you know I am also very creative and I thrive on it, but looking back I realized how much time I was spending on it and allowing a lot of other things fall behind. I'm trying to sit back and watch God work. Easier said than done but I know HE is good and has a good plan! I'll be praying for you in this transition! I know it's hard, and I know God has a great plan! Hang in there!
Post a Comment